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Rachman's Ramadan
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1977
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Posted by
rachmanc
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
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Sunday 12/8/02
Rachman Cantrell
The Ramadan fast is over. The forces that were held in check by the power of the fast have been unleashed again, and I am at their mercy...or perhaps not.
Something special was given to me recently. After many years of withdrawal from the Subud organization, I received a feeling, a commitment to do what I can to help Subud to grow. I had many times over the years asked if there was something I could do to help in that process, but always received "no".
Then a few months ago I tested that question again and this time actually received that I could do something. I had a feeling to become chairman of our local group, and different ideas started coming to me! Since doing the Ramadan fast this feeling has grown stronger.
The Menucha Subud retreat happened to occur during the first days of Ramadan. I slept in the "Barn" with many young people and got to know some of them. We had some lively talks into the early morning and through the 4:00 am breakfast, before starting the fast for the next day. Much of the talk was about how to open Subud and make it more accessible to the outside world, and how to care for and nurture the members already in Subud. I got some good ideas from those discussions. I also attended workshops on 'Fear'
, and 'Growing Subud', which were intense and beneficial, and helped to instill in me the importance of making Subud more available to those not yet opened. Little receivings kept coming to me. I had a feeling to put Subud
books and Subud links on my web site, and to have a Subud Eastside web site.
I also felt to pursue the idea of having open public forums for people to learn about Subud, and to check out the use of public access television for making Subud more known. I also felt inspired to write about the outreach
aspect of Subud, which seemed to have an effect on others as well.
On November 22nd, which was a Friday night, I had a tremendously strong latihan, and in fact, it was the strongest one I can remember in years! It
was also a night when a new person came to the latihan and I felt so glad to have him there. It was like welcoming home a long overdue and well loved member of the family. I felt I was being shown how to be with new people.
Also someone volunteered to be the vice-chairman of our group, and another member offered to help get the Subud Eastside web site going. If there was a 'quodar' (spiritual receiving at the end of Ramadan) for me, I think it came early, and on that night!
Another special thing that happened came from a seemingly negative event. A woman who had a ring repaired through my jewelry and collectible store put a stop payment on her check for over $200.00. Another part of the ring had broken after wearing it just a few days. I used my legal arguments with her to no avail. I offered to repair it again at no charge even though it was
in a different part of the ring than was repaired before, but she was adamant that she would never let us repair anything of hers again. We could
not reach any kind of compromise so she abruptly left the store with nothing resolved except the possibility of legal action. I was concerned and curious why this happened during Ramadan, and in considering what to do I felt inside to apologize to her and return her check rather than pursue a legal course even though this was against my 'merchant' nature. I gave up the idea of getting any money from her and I did not want her to feel upset because of something I did or said either. I wrote a long letter and returned her check. The next day someone came in and, out of the blue, bought a diamond ring for about $2000.00, which happened to be ten times what I had lost with the bounced check. Since that is a very rare occurrence in my store (like never!) I felt it must be a proof of the old adage that if you give with a free heart you will receive back ten times what you give! It seemed to work
in this case! Also a few days later the woman came to the store and brought the ring back to be repaired again! She said that she was touched by my letter and now had trust in me. It was such an amazing difference from a few days before when she vowed never to do business with me again! I don't think this would have happened had it not been for the fast, and the inner state it brings.
On the very last night of Ramadan I had a dream in which I was outside in a sporting field of some kind that had bleachers around the edges. I was sitting at one corner a few rows up with another young man who seemed to be my friend or relative. This young man decided to go to another more central part of the stands and as he left he made room for Bapak, who had just arrived, to sit next to me and embrace me. I was very happy to see Bapak and it seemed he was also happy to see me. We shook hands and I noticed the
strength and power of his hand and also the softness and gentleness of it.
I did not want to let go. Bapak continued to hold my hand as he got up to move to greet other people I was amazed with the feeling of connection and life that came through his touch. It was wonderful and reassuring! Most dreams are hard for me to remember, but this one was vivid and strong and seemed to affect me in a very deep way, as if I really had seen and touched Bapak.
As a result of this fasting and the experiences I had, something seems to have shifted in my feelings for the better. Life suddenly has become richer and much more interesting, and I feel hopeful for my own future and the future of Subud! I hope, in my enthusiasm, I have not hurt anyone's feelings; and if I have said or done anything out of place, or caused offence to anyone, please forgive me.
Thank you, Lord, for allowing me the experience of Subud, the latihan, and the fast! God is Great!
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